This afternoon, slowly whispering sound of Susan Wong that singing love will keep us alive. Whilst I listening to this song, I realize that it's true that loves of Jesus keep me alive till today. part of love of my God, I would like to admit as well that loves of my parents my dad and mum really keep me alive until now. When I am writing this blog I still remember how I talked with my mum and dad when I was teenager. I still remember that my mum cried for me when I was talking rude to her..... I am sure that my mum will forgive me even I am not asking apologize to her but it's really not the way that I want. I have asked her forgiveness last time but I still bearing guilty feeling. Well, I don't really know why this feeling comes up, I really missed her now I want to call her but it's 5 o'clock in the morning in Indonesia. Well once the clock touch 12 o'clock here I am going to called my mum just to say that I missed her.

Apart of my feeling, i would like to share what i have learned recently about life. I still remember once in afternoon around 2 o' clock in a lovely sunny day. I read my daily bread, and I pray to God for the job, my future and what mistake that i have done that made i missing my targets. I have worked for my dissertation 625 hours in 2 months which is more than 40 hours in a week. I spent most of my time for working and studying, but what i got? Nothing! Well long time ago when i just received my results, i remember that this sound strongly resound to my head. Quoting movie called "ayat ayat cinta" that say "i would prefer in jail rather than in better place if through my unlucky position God can show his love" i was assumed that this thinking only the way i defend myself from the mistake that i made. But as time goes by i learned that

1. My failed showing that your closeness with God does not mean that you gonna rules the world, or only the nice things will happen to you. God has used this occasion to show me that even
i lean on God the bad things might happen to me, even if i have worked like crazy but he..hey.... i still got the bad mark. But i hope through this condition i can show the world that there is no relation between closeness of the God and your success. God will not love you more or less than He already done now, but i believe through all of this God has showed his love to me that whatever happen he still loving me, giving me strength and whatever happen i still LOVE Him whatever it is.

2. Well secondly i am not gonna compared myself to Ayub because it seems like i have no right to bring up myself same with him. However, i have learned a lot from Ayub, how he facing the trial from devil and keep his faith to the God. And the most important thing is not how heavy his trial, but how He can faced the trial, what he has done?.......... in relation to my position now, once again i am not gonna put my self in same position with Ayub, but i definitely will make him as proper prototype or example for me facing my problem.

Well finally, how I love you Lord with whatever it is, whatever my condition. I realised that
my closeness to you might not bring all of goodness to my life, but it does give me strength to facing all of them. I called this faith and love to my God.